Thank you, Lutak Boy! (",)
I got a nasty cough and a runny nose. Chicken soup won't make me feel better. The cough gel syrup will take days to take effect what with the chalk dust and the hours of overusing my vocal chords. The jacket won't make me feel any warmer. I want something else.
Hug, anyone?
Remember the first time you saw me? You said I was wearing a hoodie looking somewhat lost and distracted. Well, you spotted a shy and lonely kid right away. You broke my walls. We hit it off that instant. Ours was a friendship I never expected to happen. I often saw you in the university with your skirt, bangles and piercings. Before we even met I even heard so much about you from Marvic and your other classmates. You were a campus figure, everyone seemed to just know you. I never told you this but when we started hanging out together, I was proud of myself. I was proud because I get to hang out with a COOL guy. I was an anti-social sophomore, then, trying so hard to fit in with the rest. So I've always thanked God for your friendship. But more than that I was proud that you valued my ideas, my thoughts, my idiosyncracies. You boosted me up and so I learned to appreciate myself, too.
You know me very well. In fact, you know me much better than my whole friends and family combined. You've seen it all. You've seen me in my painful rite of passage to adulthood. You bled and cried with me. You made fun of me but you loved me just the same. You were doing a one-man act. You were my brother, my father, my friend, my mentor... I trusted you.
7 years. We've been really good friends for that long already. Ours was a symbiotic relationship, right? I've tried so hard to give, too. I'm sorry if I wasn't there to listen when you had trouble with P. I was busy beating the deadlines in school. I'm sorry that I didn't talk to you for several months already. You very well know the reason for that. I'm sorry that I sometimes cannot text back when you badly need someone to talk with. And most of all, I'm sorry that I can only give you my friendship.
I remember how well you tried to convince me to spend the New Year in your house. I know you pitied me for spending the new year by myself but you see, this is me. I take pride in my independence and freedom. You probably know just when our friendship started suffocating me. I just realized that it wasn't healthy anymore. I felt being tied-down. You said things that are not worth repeating here. You wanted to cross the line and that's one thing I cannot allow you to do.
I didn't flinch when you revealed it to me. You are my friend. My best one at that. But I should have seen it coming. I should have just stopped there before it got worse.
Have I ever told you I love you? I do. I really do. But it's not the kind of love in your definition. I know you love me too but it's not the kind of love I can give you back.
I want to keep you as the person I've loved in my memory. Not the one I've started to dislike. No, I don't hate you. I don't want you to blame yourself. There's nothing to blame. Some things are just not worth keeping. It's better that way.
I want you to move on. A scholarship abroad? Now, that's something. Isn't that what you've dreamed of? I've always admired you for just being yourself. I've always been your fan. I believe in you. You may not know it but I've learned so much from you.
I want you to keep me in your memory as that girl with the hoodie. Nothing more.
Let's drop everything here. No need to look back. We've grown, we've loved, we've learned and that's all that matters.
I once asked my Grade 5 students to write about their crushes in their journals. Squeals and catcalls erupted from the boys. I spied the girls blushing, whispering, and giggling among themselves. But after awhile they were already busily writing and trying hard to cover their writings lest a classmate take a peek on their "crush." One boy boldly came to me and whispered, "Ma'am, can I write about you?" I hastily said, "NO! Write about somebody your age." He embarrassingly retreated back to his seat and wrote about a classmate instead. I wanted to kick myself that instant. Is it too much to just give the boy a chance to write about his "older" crush? It's creative writing so why couldn't I have just given him the liberty to write about whoever he wants to write? Besides, it would have been cute to read about what he have to say about me. Sometimes, in the classroom, I act too hastily without giving my decision a thought. I'm too wrapped up with order, rules, and instructions.
Here's another incident; This naughty, naughty boy kept on saying "testicles" in a sing-songy voice. I told him to stop it but continued to do so. That encouraged the other boys to follow suit. I told him to come in front. He's the president of the class so he thought we'll have a meeting of sort. I told him that next time he says that word he'll open his pants and show his "testicles" to his classmates. The class burst out laughing. He never said the word again. But I'm not sure if I did the right thing. You see, when he went back to his chair he looked back at me with so much hatred in his eyes. I could see that he was embarrassed but I never thought children are capable of strong hatred. Couldn't I have just reprimanded him personally? I felt bad about it afterwards. Sometimes, when it comes to discipline I am not sure if I'm good at it. In fact, I rely on the children's affection rather on discipline when it comes to classroom management. One father gave me the feedback that I am not firm on the kids and that I should be strict on them. I'm sorry, sir, but you don't know what's going on in the classroom. I have my own way of dealing with them. It may not be your style but it works for me. I stand by the belief that humans are inherently good but I sometimes feel a pull where humans are inherently evil, too.
This other incident shows that students have their own basis for the good and the bad; Around dismissal time, the children were already outside playing when a group of boys came to me with a teary-eyed classmate in tow. When I asked him what's wrong, he started wiping his tears and said, "My classmates are teasing me that I pooed in the restroom." I laughed really hard when I heard him say that. You would laugh if you were me (I laughed over un-funny matters). It's amusing to see that children get embarrassed over nature's call. I just realized I committed an unforgiving act when the boys said, "Ma'am, you laughed! You're a baaaaad teacher!" I laughed even harder. The next day, word spread in the classroom that Ma'am Van laughed at one of their classmates because he pooed in the classroom. Of course, he denied the accusation. Until now, I am not sure if he really did pooh that day. Students have so much expectations. They expect you to be good. By good means, lenient and relaxed. You're bad if you give too many assignments, call on their parents all the time, send them to the Guidance Office for disciplinary actions... I admit I had been baaaaaad... Sometimes what they think is bad is actually good for them.
Ah, I'm starting to miss my kids. They'll be in grade 6 this opening. Adolescents in the making... My elementary teaching years were hard but I learned a lot.
This schoolyear, I'll be teaching high school. New school, new students, new culture, new co-teachers, new heads... I know I'll be learning more...
I blew up my high school demo at West this morning. My laptop was painfully slow, thus, the students and the teachers (my inquisitors) grew tired and restless of waiting for me. There wasn't any technician to take care of the LCD. I told one of the teachers who is also my batchmate that I'd rather not go for it. He looked me in the eye and said, "Depende simu a." One of my inquisitors asked me if I have a Plan B. I actually didn't have (I slept for only 2 hrs to make the powerpoint presentation). I decided to just go for it and halfway through it the laptop decided to work itself again (whew!). I finished the demo but I know that I just blew it. I hurriedly went to the QH building for my college demo. I told my old, lit prof not to ask me questions during my presentation and I'm glad she kept her promise.
I could say that my college demo was the best demo I've given so far. My topic was about vengeance with The Cask of Amontillado as my short story. Does God live in air-conditioned rooms only? Because at that very moment I felt like God was there with me (how come I didn't feel Him in the non-airconditioned h.s building?). There I was talking about revenge with so much emotion that I felt I wasn't entirely talking to my inquisitors but also to myself. I felt that in that very moment in the classroom God gave me the wisdom that I know I don't even have. I felt so calm and light-headed. To top it all, the students were engrossed with what I had to tell them. They were interested and participative. I really appreciated that. Before I actually went inside, Sir Leo held my hands and whispered a prayer with me. When my demo's over and it was already his turn I gave him a hug and thanked him profusely. I just met a very kind man. He even offered to help with my demo.
There were 6 applicants but they only need two part-time English instructors. I was the least qualified because I'm the only one without the Master's degree and the least no. of years in the teaching profession. My interview lasted for about 10 min only while there's lasted for half an hour... uh-oh...
I ate lunch with the rest of the applicants. Sirs Leo and Edgar teased me mercilessly about not having a boyfriend and for looking too young. I felt really tired at that time but I couldn't stop laughing with Mam Carmen and the two Sirs. At that time we simply forgot that we're actually competing for the position. With those people as my rivals, I'm not expecting to get the job anymore.
I may not get the job but I'm glad I gained some friends on that day.
Reality slapped me on the face when I received a sorry paycheck last April. I quit my job in ISA and so I have to deal with the measly pay I got in my new (old) job. I said old, new job because I went back to my work prior ISA. I just decided to teach part-time because I want to enjoy my freedom for now and I want to review for the compre (yep, I got delayed again). Enjoy my freedom I do but not my salary. But really I've never felt relieved in my entire life! What do you need a big salary for when you're slowly killing yourself? I miss my co-teachers though and most of all the kids. I can't believed I came out of ISA still in one piece. I left some of my self-esteem there, however. I still get panic attacks every time my new boss approaches me. I know he's different from the old boss but I've been conditioned for two years that if your boss will call you for something it only means that you've been a bad, bad employee. I still can't understand why my old boss has to yell at his teachers. I once got starved because I stayed in his office to be reprimanded for two hours. That was lunchtime and when I said I was already hungry, he said, "That's your fault!" I left a chunk of my self-esteem in his office that very day. There are many "yelling" instances but that calls for another write-up. I can't stand being yelled at so I have to exit...
Reality kissed me on the face when I started working in Top's again. I can go online all the time, I can study whenever I want, I can take a nap, I can jog in the mornings, I can answer my cellphone without getting anxious that it's another nagging parent. I have all the time in the world. I don't have to hurry myself with anything. I want to continue teaching though. I think I have more opportunity to grow if I teach in college. Teaching elementary is one tough job. It's rewarding, too but I'd like to teach literature, research, higher grammar/linguistics, humanities, and education subjects this time. Subjects that I'm passionate about. My classmates and I are talking about taking our Ph.D's in UPD this second semester this year but I have second thoughts about this plan because I'm not yet a seasoned teacher. Theory and practice must correlate. I don't want to be such an ambitious ignoramus...
Reality pushed me when I realized the scope and width of my philosophical readings are not enough for me to even criticize a literature. There are too many -isms that have to be understood. I'm learning to love knowledge. Philosophy may seem an extraordinary subject yet so ordinary when stripped of its academic robe. It's a world of abstract ideas and mental exercises yet it's so tangible and full of flaws, too when already used in context. I sometimes question my beliefs after reading. Yesterday I was a Marxist feminist. Today I'm a progressive-humanist. Tomorrow, who knows?!
I've always been an idealist but reality's slaps, kisses and pushes can no longer be ignored. Oh, well...
Love comes when you least expect it. In fact, it comes at the most unexpected places and unexpected time.
It did come to me unexpectedly. A few months ago, I was just a 24-year old workaholic with a sad and sorry existence in this planet. I was driven but somehow I was directionless. I prayed to the heavens to take away my pains, frustrations, fears, insecurities... everything that's just eating me up. I was lonely but I couldn't seem to understand why I was. I felt that the world's putting too much burden on my back (yep, I was burn-out and I didn't realize that not until he told me).
Then he came along...
Cupid shot me not just with one but ten of his silly arrows. I didn't know when I started falling for him. I just know that I already did even before I met him. Mushy as it sounds but when he came everything just became colorful. He put different shades of color in this grey existence of mine and I just can't help but be happy. These days, you'll always see me with a big grin on my face and I tell you that he's the reason.
I'm so happy that I could do cartwheels any moment now.
Too bad he can't be here on Valentine's Day, though.
January 2008... I'll be taking the comprehensive exam and hopefully pass it... Now I'm having second thoughts.
Last Wednesday the Graduate Office sent me a message that I take it August 2008. The reason? Only two of us in the M.ED in ESL program applied for the January compre and they need at least three. I texted Jureca and Paul if they'll take it with us but only Jureca responded that she will and that we'll study together. She can't push it for another school year she said since she wants to avail the salary increase in her school.
Now there will be three of us! But I'm not sure now if I'll really take it. I've been praying for this but I'm afraid it'll remain unanswered. I've noticed that my performance in ISA as a teacher this school year isn't outstanding. It's not even satisfactory. I failed at Literary Contests and that one thing I've been asking hasn't been granted. I've been praying that at least I'll have something to add there for a better resume but all fell on deaf ears. I'm afraid it'll be the same thing with this exam. I admit that I haven't had enough time to study but I'm doing the best I can to make the most of my limited time. I even planned that I won't go home so I can study but when I was told that I take the exam on Aug 2008 I felt that God's telling me something. I don't know what that is but in my gut I know that I'm doing the right thing of taking it this January. I even managed to convince Jureca to take it with us. I hope Sarrina and Jivsy will take it too.
This exam isn't ordinary for me. I admit that when I took the LET I was confident that I could pass it. But not with this one. I'm not very confident about it because of my performance when I was still studying. I had numerous absences and tardiness that not even my delinquent students could rival.
But man, I had the happiest moments of my life in those classrooms. I learned and enjoyed a lot. Thank you, Jivsy for telling me that I am beautiful and witty when my self-esteem was down to negative zero. Patrick, thank you for your encouragement and your endless text messages (even when I seldom replied). Sarrina and Jureca, you taught me a lot about friendship, stress, boyfriends, and weight-loss exercises. Paul, we'll graduate together. Antoniette, you'll make a good Mom. To my professors, you are all such an inspiration! Ma'am Che, thank you for being patient. Ma'am Tan, you're the kind of English teacher that I want to be!
Hay, tani kapasar ko Compre! Whoever's reading please include me and my classmates in your prayers. Kung kapasr me, mang treat ko hehe...
Happy Holidays to all!
I feel like time is chasing me... I've always considered myself a time-conscious person though not an efficient one. I'm trying to be efficient as much as possible about my life. I've set a time frame for myself that before I turn 24 I should already have my Master's degree. At 28 I should have my Law degree and at 30 my Doctor's degree. Ambitious, huh? Yep, I am. Then I just realized that I'm not just ambitious but also very SELFISH. I haven't thougt about my Mom who I'll turn to for my education funding. I haven't thought about my sister who'll probably feel more insecure with all those degrees nor of my dear Sheanna who'll probably know her Tita Tin through pictures (as I presume that I'll be too busy to even see her). I feel so inadequate that I thought all those degrees would make me feel better about myself. For sure it won't make me richer. It won't make me famous either. Then, why this time frame? I'm 24 now but I feel that I haven't accomplished anything yet. I haven't achieved anything great. I know, I know... these externals are so based and so shallow. You'd say that the most important things in life are friends and family, health, yadaa-yadaa... But I've always been alone. I'm too detached from my family (folks are separated). And I have very few friends. The only thing I have left is my career. Since that's all I've got I've at least just pour myself into it. I'm a workaholic, I know. I'm drowning all my sorrows with the time I spend in school because deep down I'm actually a very lonely girl. While checking papers the red pen bleeds with me. While i'm inside the classroom yelling at the kids I'm actually yelling for help, yelling for the need to be loved. And all those things that I consider I don't have--friendship and family ties.. they're all what I really yearn for and not all those degrees.
Awhile ago my fingers were itchy to get to get to the keyboard and write. I always have this feeling were I feel so emo all of a sudden that I wish I could capture everything in words and just write them down. But when I'm already in front of the monitor it just vanishes and I could only write down traces of them. That frustrates the hell out of me.
Well, it's sembreak tomorrow. Actually, it's no-break for me. I still have to go back to school and coach my kid for the upcoming spelling PRISAA.
Then there's the upcoming Compre January of next year. I still have two INC's to comply before I could register for the exam. I'm embarrassed to death in approaching my professors. I can't concentrate very well with the review because my INC's are bugging me the whole time. Not a day passes without my thinking about it.
I hate to talk about other people but my roommate's such bother. Every night she goes out in the terrace and have a jerk-off session with my high school classmate. She's bragging that she has many boyfriends and always points out my lack thereof. Should I tell her to go to hell or should I just shut my mouth up? Anyhoo, I could do both.
I'm getting older...
It's the best of times, it's the worst of times.
The best of times? Let's just say that I'm growing all throughout this experience. I'm growing a thicker skin and a thicker sense of responsibility.
It's the worst for me because I'm having one of those bad days again. I encountered one complaint from a parent. It's not about the academics. It's about the literary contests I was asked to be in charged with. I really couldn't understand why she had to react that way. No, she didn't yell nor asked me to go to the Director's Office. She simply cried. I had no choice but to cry, too. She's crying as a mother and that's something I can't relate with. I am not a mother and I probably never will be. We both cried as my students around us rush for the Moon Festival. My students were probably thinking what made their teacher cry. They're young and they have their mothers. How can they relate to a motherless teacher like me? In the end, we both apologized to each other, saying that she needed a closure, that she needed to get it out of her chest so she could sleep. I apologized for my errors and for the damage I have caused. Now it's my turn for me to not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't take things lightly especially complaints. I take them too hard that I would cry and cry over it and blame myself for it. Am I a weakling? I don't want to admit it.
Closure. How I like that word. That's all I need from him. The more I see him, the more I'm getting over him. I'm happy the way things are turning out to be. I'm begining to have a sense of peace now that I've let go of him (I pray that he has done the same).
After two years he came back. It was a nasty break-up that has made me miserable for quite some time. My brain tells me to run away and forget. There's no use. Once is enough. What else do I want from him? But my heart says love is sweeter the second time around (gawd, is this really me?). He and his silly smile. He and his trivial conversations. He and me together... those bittersweet memories that have been consuming me for the past weeks. My defenses are down. I can't pretend anymore because that's what I have been doing and I'm tired of it.
I might die tomorrow without telling him exactly how I feel. My dreams of us as parents to our children and of us growing old together might just be buried with me. I'm afraid that I'll die with regrets.
Love, look what you're doing to me...
I guess I'm just overworked that my brain (and my heart) wants to have diversion. I guess I just need more hugs. I guess I just need a vacation.
:-(
Eyeglasses.
I thank God for these wonderful invention. What would I do without them? Without them I can still see forms and outlines but I can't recognize faces anymore unless you're an arm's length away from me. I'm terrible with names and now that I have myopic eyes I might as well have Alzheimer's. So I apologize to my acquaintances who probably expected me to notice them but wasn't given the attention because of my optic troubles. Next time we'll cross each other's paths better wave your hands like crazy or do cartwheels (the most sensible thing to do of course is just to call my monosyllabic name) to get my attention otherwise you'll just be another floating ghost for me.
"To save ourselves from doing cartwheels, why don't you just wear your eyeglasses all the time, Van?"
Good question.
And I've got a good answer for that.
You see, that's the whole point. Without my eyeglasses I don't have to greet people. I don't have to greet people I don't like! It'll save me from trouble too. One bad habit of mine is I like to stare. And not just stare but really STARE for a loooooooong time. Yep, and it gave me so much trouble in the past. One man thought I was flirting when I was actually just fascinated with the mole on his forehead. A little girl cried because I was ogling at her pigtails which remind me of Freud (what's the connection, don't ask me). That's why while walking and travelling I don't wear my cyclops.
One good thing about being half-blind is that you have a choice of seeing the world the way it is or just pretend that eyesores (like the campaign bills on walls around you) don't exist.
X'cess: I've outgrown my eyeglasses and been wearing contacts but really, nothing beats my good 'ole trustworthy antipara.
"Ma,am, why are you short?"
"Uhm..."
"My Mom's short, too."
"Oh!"
"Yep, I'm taller than her."
"I think you just miss your Mom that's why you asked me that question."
"Yes..."
"How about you Franklin, where's your Mom? Do you miss her, too?"
"Not really. She's just in Jaro."
"And your Dad?"
"He's in Nigeria."
"Well, I bet you miss him, too."
"Yes..."
"And you Liza? Where are your parents?"
"They're in China."
"Do you miss them, too?"
"Yes..."
"That's alright. I miss my Mom, too."
And we all fell silent as we think of those people whom we sorely miss. I thought about myself, too. About how these brats are getting on my nerves. How they make me laugh and how they make me cry. I thought about the eyebags and the dark circles around my eyes and thought about how their papers are slowly turning me into a nocturnal animal.I thought about my future and their future. And I thought about everything...
And all these thinking just started because this silly kid named Umesh asked me why I'm short...
Last year... Went on a hiatus. This year... I'm outta here. Last year... I cut my hair short. This year... Of course, my hair is now long, silly. (flips hair) Last year... I wanted to have my own baby. This year... I'm gonna have one! :-) Last year... I went back to school. will be for the next 5 years.
Last year… A certain school rejected me because I didn’t have a lesson plan during the demo. I didn’t prepare one because it’s supposed to be a college and every idiot knows that you don’t prepare lesson plans for college students. If I had known I would have shoved a syllabus up the President’s arse. Good ‘ole Candy applied in the same school. They rejected her too. Candy with her Master’s units, Candy with her experience in teaching, Candy with her professional credentials… They eventually hired a classmate whom I know wouldn’t even be hired without a politician backing her up and that’s just what happened… Wtf. Wf. Wtf. Now I know that to get hired it’s not what you know that counts it’s whom you know that matters the most. I just have to face it. This is how the system works. It does not just happen in public schools and public sectors but in private ones too. No wonder this country is not going anywhere. This year… This country is still not going anywhere. I'm gonna seduce an old, balding politician and I'll become his mistress so I won't have to worry about not getting hired. . gonna be with good 'ole Candy from now on. Last year... I was so lazy. This year... I still am. Last year... Hell hath no greater fury than a woman's wrath. This year... All is well and all has been forgiven.
uy, atty. na si gina ley...
congrats, lola! :-*
I've been listening to too much of adult alternative station in YM that I exceeded the usage threshold for the month, therefore, I cannot have the liberty of skipping songs that I don't enjoy. I often wonder why they just keep on playing Sarah Mclachlan's and Coldplay's songs. Now and then they would play Linkin songs, that's the time when I would feel so lucky :-)
I'm supposed to talk about YM hunks and babes but I have to warn you that before you move on you must at least be 18 years old...
Franciscus Xavierius Wempi Saoli a.k.a. WEMPIIIIIIII (dear)! Friendship really does cross boarders.
This man's got the balls and the brains and judging from his pic his got the tongue as well heehee... I haven't thanked him enough for being super nice to me. But labeling him as a hunk here it's gonna be him who's going to kiss my Doc Martens.
You should see this girl in person. She'll have you at hello. As what Mark would always say she is a living "future tense." :-)
But it's not just the outside that'll get you; it's her wit and great sense of humor that'll surely make you want her. Definitely comes in whole package. She's great in giving advices too. Thanks so much, dear for talking to me even just through YM. You may not know it but your words surely lifted my spirits especially during those "career blues" moments.
Don't tell me I didn't warn you! Are you sure you're 18? If you're not, go away, you. Shoo! Come to think of it, I'm no expert in relationships but I found myself giving advices to him. Thank goodness Singa and Pinas' got the same timezone if not I probably got swallowed by my self-pity by now. He's a lifesaver!
This guy loves to strip naked during his free time and play pornstar guitar. And he loves to take a pic of himself with just a musical instrument covering his arse. Ever wonder how he'll look like with just a flute covering him? hehe...
She's a lifesaver too. I've been truly thankful for her chat especially after that "BIG BREAK" episode. And come to think of this, she also hasn't been in a relationship but she's great in giving advices. I've been stupid enough for not listening to her the first time. Thank you so much Ping for being such an angel. I truly appreciate your "listening ear."
And not only does she have a great ear she's also sassy, smart, sexy and yep, she's single...
LEO a.k.a. TAY!
Isn't he handsome? oh, those muscles...
Errr, actually this is Leo, Jr. hehe...
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This is the REAL Leo!
He's a great hubby and a great dad too! Thanks so much for taking time to listen and read and chat. You're so lucky to have such good-looking kids (mana sa tatay?)...
To all five of you, I'll be gone for awhile but don't come looking for me... If my YM says not available then it's gonna be me not online, hehe.
X'cess... Do they think they're the only one who's got hotttt pictures?! I got one too...
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bleeeeh!
You're not hotttttttttt!
first day of graduate school third trimester...
neckbreaker...
i'm so, so tired :-(
I should have given it more attention; the slipper on my left foot felt slightly different from the one I was wearing on my right foot. It must have been the excitement of eating halo-halo that made me never look down. So all those times I was eating halo-halo and was walking around the mall I hadn't the slightest idea that I was wearing different slippers on each foot. It was very obvious because my left slipper was brown and my right one was black. It was only later when I went to the shoe department that I realized that I gave the word mismatch a whole new meaning; miss match! Imagine my emabarrassment! I must have turned red down to the tips of my hair. I rode on Mann's bike so I didn't really take notice of my footwear. He said I looked fashionable. Yeah right, I gave eclectic fashion a whole new meaning, as well.
Mann is such a meanie but I thank God for one good friend who'll always stand by me from broken trust to broken hearts to mismatched slippers.
He looks like a girl here and why does my head always have to look oh-so-BIG?
O.o
Moral lesson: Look down before you leap...
>>>So, are you goin' out on a date tonight?
<<<Yep...
>>>Really?! WOW!
<<<Is that ok with you, dear?
>>>Oh, it's ok with me. (It's not ok!!!)
<<<......
>>>......
<<<Hmmm, are you jealous?
>>>Nope. (Of course I am, silly!) Can you tell me more about her?
<<<Uhm, she's nice just like you and she's 24 just like me.
>>>How did you meet her?
<<<We were schoolmates in high school.
>>>I see. Have fun tonight, ok?
<<<Thanks, dear. You're the best!
>>>Hey, I got a date too.
<<<That's nice. With whom?
>>>With my sister...
<<<Haha! But your sister's a girl. Say hi to her from me.
>>>Hihihi. I will.
<<<......
>>>......
<<<Tintin, you know I'll always care about you.
>>>And I'll always care about you too.
<<< *KISS*
>>> <HUG>
Goodbye, online boyfriend...
Then and only then did I feel something wet on my eyes
Tears?!!! WTF!
If Halo-halo's a girl she'd be clad in a bikini while lazily sunbathing at the beach. She would have that unconscious beauty that could seduce a man. And even if the sun's bar-b-q grilled hot she won't be affected by it. Know why, cos she's COOL, man. Halo-halo's a real cool girl.
And in real life, (not the girl no more) that's what just halo-halo is all about. Tempting...
I got tempted by halo-halo today. But hey, give me halo-halo anytime of the day! Summer would never be complete without eating halo-halo, anyway (it rhymes, it rhymes!). So dig into Halo-halo, man.
I discovered something today. You can actually use names of establishments as an adjective to describe another adjective:
I'm centropelle lonely...
I'm surplus happy...
I'm kenny rogers hungry...
I'm bellicimo pretty...
I'm cafe rue horny...
Ain't I national bookstore brilliant?!! (say yes, say yes!)
Ok, enough... I'm dunkin' donut sleepy...
Lately, I don't feel like writing anything. I haven't even touched my journal notebook for a few days now. A lot of things have been running in my head but my hands are too lazy to put them into writing.
For one, I turned down two schools already. I complained that the first school is too far (but gives good salary!) while the second school gives a "so-so" salary (yet it's very near!). But I thought that if to teach is what a person really wants then no distance is too far and no salary is too low (this is the idealistic side of me talking). I could've accepted any of these schools and I know that I could do a good job for the next academic year. Now I'm so full of remorse. Sometimes it's good not to listen to other people when you make your decisions. They may have the best of every intention but it's still best if the decison comes from you. I made a mistake of listening to other people and based my decisions based on their opinions. Sometimes it's better to follow your intuition, thus, when something goes wrong or everything turns out just fine, it'll only be yourself you could blame or give credit to.
But I can't undo that anymore, can I? *sigh*
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Last night, I came across an old high school classmate. The last time I've heard of her was that she went to Manila so I was really surprised when I saw her here in Iloilo. She hasn't changed much but she's still the girl who likes to jump up and down when she's happy. She said she's waiting for her husband/boyfriend (she's not married but they got a kid). She's looking for a job and complained that she couldn't get a decent one because she hasn't finished a 4-year degree. I remember very well how she dropped out of university because she got pregnant. We were both in our junior year that time. I suggested that she apply in Korean agencies (since she's an English major) then she complained that Andrea isn't helping her (Andrea's working in CNC). I wanted to slap her that time. How can others help her when she isn't even helping herself? She couldn't find a decent job but she should have gotten a decent boyfriend/husband! She's a Math whiz in high school, the i'll-die-a-virgin girl of our kada. Whatever happend to that girl in high school? Charisse, you know who she is.
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I finished two novels for this week;
Jude Deveraux's The Summerhouse and Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code. Ha-ha! What a combination... The former's more on family life and the latter's more on er, suspense...
I thought that all the while Deveraux's novels are all about damsels in distress waiting for their knights in shining armor (ala Barbara Cartland) but man, was I wrong. Deveraux may be a romance novelist but she's one witty writer who can write about love without being too mushy. I expected the novel to have that hate-at-first-sight-hop-in-the-bed-then-get-married-plot but I was in for a surprise. I read the book in just one day because I can't put it down (and of course, because I had the time). 4 stars for Jude Deveraux!
I know Da Vinci Code's already hot last year but I only got hold of the novel this year. It stirred such a contoversy that I
thought it'll be banned. But good thing it wasn't. Frankly, I found the novel a little bit boring. I don't like codes and I hate those mind-boggling puzzles. I thought I'll be affected by the revelations there (my sister couldn't sleep for two days after reading the novel) because more or less your faith will be shakened after reading it. But it didn't really do anything for me. It's almost like a Sidney Sheldon novel where everything moves too fast. I think Brown and Sheldon collaborated with each other in doing this work. The novel also reminds me of that National Treasure movie (starring Nicolas Cage); fun, fast and entertaining and of that novel Sophie's World by Jostein Gaardner; highly informative and uh, a little lame. Now, who am I to say they're lame books when they became bestsellers? Really, I'm writing a critique so I might as well act and write as a real critic. o_O
The Opus Dei group has been considered an extreme Catholic organization. But I do think in this world being extreme is being less mediocre. You can either be an extremist or have that devil-may-care attitude but you can't and shouldn't be swallowed in being neutral (lukewarm, so-so attitude) ONLY.
In the novel's plot, the Opus Dei group, in desperation, collaborated with the Teacher because Vatican wanted them to break away from the church. Erasmus, that 15th century philosopher once said that he was more interested in "pruning the tree of Christianity rather than cutting it down" when Martin Luther invited him to "cut" away from the Roman Church. I don't think Opus Dei should be "cut." Pruned," yes. "Cut," no... I think all Catholics should know and read about this brilliant man...
Before I go...
this is the photo of my good friend's youngest son...
Ain't he a cutie?!! awwwww...
Something's fishy with this picture...
Ever wonder who's the father of that tabachingching kid?
Among the three of those guys who do you think?
Make a wild guess and take your pick!
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Definitely not MARK!
He's mine, ok....
NYAHAHAHAHAHA!
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PATRICK?
He seems to have that look of a proud man who have sired a robust child... but his arms should be around his wife not like this where he seems to be fidgeting.
The shirt is just off, better remove that eyeglasses, the haircut looks so uhm, un-fatherly?
And what's with that cheesy smile?
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PICTURE PERFECT...
Methinks the father is PAUL!
It just fits, noh? Every inch of him seems to shout, "I am the father of this child!"
How could I have missed? Look at their expressions. They both have these same expression that only a compatible could wear at the same time. Theirs are the face of a couple who have been through good times and bad times. The bandanna and the orange shirt go well with the shorts of his wife and the sablay of his baby. Man, he know just what to wear.
And from where he's standing (behind his wife) it only shows that he wants to protect her and their child. aawwwww...
yes, very sweet...
CONGRATULATIONS, PAUL!
:-D
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After Manny's victory we had the Ultra tragedy... Life really is a series of ups and downs...
Pouring over a Malaysian girl's blog last night (not in friendster) I came across her entry (let's call it photowhoring) with her photo being changed into UGLY images. Below her edited photos she wrote, "this is how I would look as a 55 year-old woman, this is how I would look as a black, this is how I would look as an ape, this is how I would look as a Filipino..."
*deep breath*
I was really offended! To add insult to injury she wrote down that she got down on her knees and thank God she's a normal 20 year-old Chinese girl (and not a Filipino, an ape, nor a black...) get what I mean? Come to think of it, is she being a racist or is she acting just like any normal 20 year-old Chinese girl? If being a normal Chinese means posting images like those then all Chinese people are f88@#*&^#@!!*(())###!!! from hell, thank you very much.
Am I being too sensitive over this issue? No, I think I'm just acting like any normal 22 year-old Filipina would.
The Philippines has been openly criticized by the Singaporean president... Indeed, our country is a marketplace of ideas --- that's why it's chaotic, that's why it's poor, that's why it has a government run like hell by idjuts. I couldn't agree more with you, Mr. Lee Kuan Yew. Coming from a man who built utopian Singapore, I wouldn't argue...
On a lighter note, I'm greeting everybody a HAPPY HAPPY HEART'S DAY!
err...
ack! just realized how very round my face is...
kate took this picture or was it (va)gina? ah, those two little peeping toms. is the peeping tom name also applied to girls? shouldn't it be changed to peeping janes? peeping madonnas? peeping Luka, primpin' Donna, pimpin' Bazooka...
feminist! feminist!
thank you for droppin' by.
*wink*wink*
I finished reading this novel, "the Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood." it actually has a movie version but I haven't seen it yet. Even so, I would say that the book version is better.
I bought the book for only P60.00 at Gaisano Diplomat (it's as good as new!) and was shocked to see the same edition at Goodwill bookstore for P300.00! Imagine the difference!
I have lust for reading but not exactly for books. I have this nasty habit of carelessly throwing a book after I've finished reading it. I'm after a book's plot, its lessons, mysteries, secrets... I don't collect books and I think that it's better to just rent them. One reason is I don't have a house so where can I store these books in case I'd buy a Stephen King collection? I'd rather store them all here in my coconut shell. Man, books can be expensive!
I'm glad we don't buy books in grad skul but we have loads of photocopies!
There's a big sale in Goodwill Bookstore but only for books that have below 2000 copyrights. I bought a book entitled the Miracle of Language that costs only P127.00. Thanks to the 68% discount hehe... I debated on whether I'll buy the book about spiritual healing but I'm thinking about that reaction paper I'll make on language acquisition so I bought the language book instead... When I arrived at the counter this kindly Manong insisted that I buy these two books (which was what my heart truly desired) but I'm not rich, ok?
I badly wanted to buy the Chicken Soup for the Expectant Mother's Soul for my sister but they don't have a sale for that... I'm broke now (and I'm saving for the rainy days, remember?) But hey, I bought my sister this really neat maternity dress last Christmas...
My niece actually kicked my hands off when I tried to pat her hehe... strong little hussy... I'm one proud tita... I want her to be named Victoria Kristine after my Mom and I... Forget Marvic's name, it doesn't sound so cool heehee...
Cueshe's gonna be here tomorrow! But I'm not sure if I'll watch there mini-concert at SM carpark... Kate's been asking me to go there. I remember three years ago, Inday Sara, Popsy and I watched Rivermaya there. It was fun but there were a lot of drunkards.
I've been singing Cueshe's song entitled "Ulan" over and over again. It reminds me of lost love and broken relationships. :-(
I'm singing it for "him." Should I name names? Oh well, he knows who he is...
Yay! I'm gonna be a TITA soon... I'm really excited. I'm really hoping that I'm gonna have a niece, but hey, a nephew would be great too. And of course, I won't mind a double surprise! Ah well, I'm surely gonna be a doting Tita. I can't wait to see the little one and just love HER (I want a niece, I toldya) to pieces! I've been hunting for baby clothes and all... My, my I don't even know how to carry a newborn babe. Better start practicin' now. (",)
I'm savin' for the rainy days. Right now, I'm down with a cold again. My eyes are all watery and I couldn't think straight.
I've received lots of blessings lately. I've been quite nasty taking them for granted and not counting them. Thank you so much, Big Guy! I often wonder when You're gonna stop playing with me. I guess, this is Your way of letting me learn, huh? But this entry is gonna be short cos my nose is watery as well!
Yes, our souls sure mated and out came our
offsprings; Vanilla and Matutinay ahaha!
I sure remember how orgasmic our conversations were, how passionate our laughters and how heated our dugsinganays...
We were children of the moon, noctural animals (bookworms!), puppets to our fates, slave to time and lovers of poets... adulteress and seductress, vampish (as in vampire!) we suck each other's blood till we both died and born again in that once upon a time Uy kingdomland...
If you're reading this, give me a ring, you bitch! I miss you!
Dear blogders, I am not a lesbo, ok?
on second thought...
there's a man in every woman and vice-versa...
oh well, go figure!
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person who wasn't supposed to let us down would probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder everytime. You will break hearts too so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for the things the old one did. You'll cry because the time is passing too fast and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take many pics, laugh too much, love like you've never been hurt because every 60 seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
actually, text message ni sya... hehe.
Santeria by Sublime
I don't practice Santeria
I ain't got no crystal ball
Well I had a million dollars but I, I'd spend it all
If I could find that heina and that sancho that she'd found
Well I'd pop a cap in sancho and I'd slap her down
What I really wanna know my baby
What I really wanna say, I can't define
Well it's love that I need
My soul will have to wait till I get back
Find a heina of my own
Daddy's gonna love one and all
I feel the break, feel the break, feel the break
And I gotta live it out
Oh yeah
Well I swear that I, what I really wanna know
What I really wanna say, I can't define
Got love! Make it go
My soul will have to...
What I really wanna say
What I really wanna say, is I've got mine
And I'll make it
Yes, I'm going up
Tell sanchito that if he knows what is good for him
He best go run and hide
Daddy's got a new .45
And I won't think twice
To stick that barrel straight down sancho's throat
Believe me when I say that I got something for his punk-ass
What I really wanna know
What I really wanna say, is there's just one way back
And I'll make it
My soul will have to wait
...gee, i dunno why i love this song...
I spent my new year with my adopted sistahs, Tata and Inday. I actually had a blast with them. Tata came home for the Christmas season and I'm so happy that she did. Inday's friend, the super thin and super pretty and super in-love Carla (whew!) was also there so it was a party of five. Yes five, because Micmic was also there! We organised an exchange gift party for the last minute. Karen and Rio Anne's supposed to join but they feigned lack of funds to be the reason that they can't (aba!). So it's just the five of us. I bought a mug for my SP (I won't tell you the price hehe). T'was funny cos Micmic's gift was SOO BIG, the four (girls) of us were each hoping that it'll be our name that he's gonna pick (Inday's the lucky one). The picking part came, Micmic's my SP so the mug with the working-out-smiley design (it's really for him!) went to his kitchen table. Tata picked my name so I had the cheap photo frame as a gift *yuck! hehe*
There wasn't so much "palupok" last night. I didn't feel like it was New Year at all. But I was so happy to be with my friends. We did "pasirit," ate a little at Mic's place then danced like crazy! More pics to come!
My classmates in high school were also there; Benito "Batuk" and Ken Lampitco. Ken said something that goes, "Dalaga kana gale Van..." I didn't know if I'd be offended or flattered. Like hello? I've been menstruating for 10 years... In high school I was probably such a shortie that they didn't consider me dalaga at all. No wonder my crush didn't notice me. At my workplace, they'd still call me Baby Van when I'm obviously past the infancy stage (euphemisms, euphemisms!). In college, I was nicknamed Gloria (after our infamous president) behind my back and not because I had a boyfriend named Mike but because... yes, you guess it... because of my height. I'm very sensitive about my height so let me not dwell on that. But then, because it was New Year anyway, I took the opportunity to jump up and down (they said it'll make you grow taller). Ah well, no harm in trying who knows I might grow even if it's just 1 inch (1 inch means a lot already!)
Anyhoo, I'm really looking forward to have a challenging year. I was planning to make a long 2005 farewell letter to my friends but my eyes are drooping already so I'll just say let's make the best of this year mi amigos and mi amigas!
Goodbye, 2005! Hello, 2006!